Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Best Dresses for Your Tan Line Dilemma

2LUV Women's Houndstooth Cap Sleeve Skater Dress

Warm weather provides many opportunities for fun in the sun, often times leaving us with tan lines which can make wearing some clothes (dresses, in particular) a bit tricky. I have faced this challenge during many summertime days before, and would like to share some insight on how I was able to have my fun in the sun and still manage to cover up those tan lines with the pretty, fashionable dresses of the season.
Before picking out a dress, make a note of where your tan lines lay. Do they follow the lines of a tank top, or are they more the shape of a halter top? How thick are your tan lines? Are there several different lines, or just one? After you assess your unique Summertime tan lines, you will be able to determine what style dress will cover them up. Perhaps the easiest style dress to wear which covers most tan lines is a simple short-sleeved or long-sleeved dress. These dresses are easy to find, and you can feel confident that your tan lines are covered in them.

You will find that picking out a sleeveless dress can be a bit trickier when trying to cover up those tan lines. A halter-style dress will cover halter-style lines, just as a tank top-style dress will cover tank top-style lines. Be careful, too, to remember the thickness of your tan lines, since this will determine the thickness of the straps you should look for on your dress. Some collared, sleeveless dresses are easier to pull off, since the sleeves will end at your shoulders, but will cover the tan lines on your back and chest.
The popular, new convertible-style dresses on the market now enable you change your silhouette from halter, to sleeveless, to tube-top. This can prove helpful as there may be times when your tan lines may change depending on what you wear under the sun, and you could adapt the dress accordingly. And don't forget, if you are in need of a quick-fix cover up, a light sweater or other button up top would look beautiful when layered over a dress, and would easily cover up any tan lines.
     Don't let tan lines discourage you from wearing the fun, flirty dresses of Summer. All it takes is a little tan line assessment, and then you will be able to determine the best dress for you to cover them up while still looking fashionable. Don't worry about those tan lines any longer because, after all, most of us have them, and they are a testament to your love of the outdoors. Now what are you waiting for? Hurry up and go pick out the newest addition to your Summertime wardrobe! Melissa Busse

Saturday, October 25, 2014

3 Best Dress Trends for the Summer

Peach Couture® Vintage Polka Dot Pattern Shift Dress with Fabric Belt Tie
(Medium, Yellow, $19.95)
 
     You cannot think about summer without thinking about the cute summer dresses. Some people may say that summer is all about shorts but it's really about flirty, little dresses. They are easy to put on, light and comfortable which makes them perfect for all occasions. While you are doing your summer shopping, these are some of the dresses that you should be looking out for.

3 Best Dress Trends for this summer:

1. Long behind/short front Dress.
This is my absolute favorite dress trend for summer. I love these asymmetrical dresses because they are fun and sassy and definitely different from the norm. Summer is all about making a statement while being fashionable.
I love the casual versions of these dresses because they are great for going to the beach or to the park or for all the other summer time fun activities. I love the Striped Racerback Sailor Dress from Hotties World. It has horizontal stripes in white and grey with fixed chest buttons and a patched pocket.

2. Button Up Dress.
Every girl needs a sleeveless button up dress. These dresses are great because they have the boyfriend's shirt feel and they are extremely comfortable. You do want to get a light weight dress and there are many fashionable sheer options out there. One of my favorites is the Blue Tunic from US Trendy. It's the perfect combination of fun and class which is exactly what you want your summer dresses to be.
This dress also has an asymmetrical hem and it features to breast pockets. You could wear it over your bathing suit if you are going to the beach or you can wear it over a strapless top and some shorts. There are so many options to wearing this dress that you can't go wrong by having it in your closet.

You need to have a maxi dress. Even though it is going to be summer and it will be hot, maxi dresses are a must have in your closet. You want to find light cotton or jersey maxi dresses. They are perfect for day activities that will keep you out until the night time and are even more perfect for night time activities.
I really love this Caslon Racerback Jersey Dress from Nordstrom. It fits loosely and has a drawstring tie which gives it definition. It is easy to wear and just an absolutely perfect dress for summer. Jay Queen.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Applecare + for Iphone Makes Good Sense

Apple Iphone 6 64GB Gray Factory Unlocked GSM Phone

      As a general rule, I avoid extended warranties such as Apple's AppleCare program; they very rarely pay off in the end. For many modern gadgets such as tablet computers and smartphones, the concept of an extended warranty makes even less sense. I have owned several smartphones including all iterations of the Apple iPhone, and I have never suffered a hardware failure that would have been covered by a warranty. I have broken a few phones, and even washed an iPod, but AppleCare, sadly, doesn't cover stupidity. The extended warranty only covers hardware or software defects.


This has changed with Apples introduction of AppleCare + for the iPhone. When I picked up my iPhone, I added the AppleCare + coverage. For the first time in the past five years that I have owned smartphones and tablets, the extended coverage makes sense. Not because the IPhoneis more likely to fail, but because I am still stupid.

What is the AppleCare + Plan for the iPhone
With every Apple product purchase, you receive 90 days of telephone support and one year of support from Apple directly. This support is the standard AppleCare program, and I feel it is the best support program in the tech industry. If a device is a lemon or if it is going to have a hardware failure, it will likely happen in the first six months of ownership, but it will almost certainly happen within the first year. For most situations, the standard AppleCare program is all that you would ever need.
The iPhone, however, needs a bit more love, and that is where the AppleCare + program comes in. The IPhone is a highly technical piece of technology that is used on a daily basis and it is encased almost entirely of glass. Granted, the IPhonehas Gorilla Glass which is a bit more resilient than standard glass, but it is still fragile. For a fee of $99, you get to extend the standard AppleCare program to cover drops, spill, liquid damage, and general stupidity. If I wash the iPhone, or if I accidentally run it over (my wife has actually done this), I am covered. There is a $49 dollar deductible, but I chalk that up as a "stupidity tax."

Why the AppleCare + Plan for the iPhone Plan is Worth It
I am on my fifth generation of iPhone, and in that time I have only had one with a hardware failure. The back light on my iPhone died, but it happened within the first month I owned the device. Because iPhones and other smartphones do not have moving parts, and they generate limited amounts of heat, they rarely fail. Owners do break them, and in my experience, they get broken often.
Out of my five generations of iPhone, I have broken three of them. Two screen breaks and one partial submersion. I am not a clumsy oaf with my devices, but life happens. I have slipped and fell in a river with a phone, a child dropped one, and my very first iPhone fell out of my pocket while riding a bike. In every case, the device cost much more than $149 to replace. AppleCare + would have saved me time and money.


Is the AppleCare + Program Right for You?
Have you purchased a new iPhone? Have you ever broken a phone? Do you try keep phones for the entire term of your contract? I could answer yes to all of the above questions, then the AppleCare + plan is probably right for you. If you do purchase it, you can transfer it or get a prorated refund if you decide you don't need it. When you look at the plan as a combination insurance policy and extended warranty, it makes sense.
The AppleCare + plan is $30 more expensive than the original AppleCare plan, and you must purchase the AppleCare + plan at the same time you purchase your iPhone. Also, you need to make sure and register the plan so that coverage begins immediately. Whether or not you decide to purchase the AppleCare plan for your new iPhone, I hope you enjoy your new device, and make sure to keep it safe. Ideea by Chris Matier.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Why You Should Wash New Clothes Before Wearing Them

Wash Your New Clothes Before Wearing Them

Good Morning America” recently did some investigative dirty work, getting the dirt on why you should always wash new clothes before wearing them. But, unfortunately, they found a lot more than dirt on the seemingly fresh new clothes they checked out, and the results of their investigation have definitely made me decide to make sure to wash new clothes before wearing them in the future.
But before the results of their investigation, let's just reason this out. Hundreds of people head out to stores to try on new clothes every day, and they often don't buy the items they try on. Just think of the possibility of how many of those people have just worked out and not bathed or are suffering from some sort of contagious illness. There could be people out there with nasty skin infections tryingon new clothes, or sweaty people whose bodily fluids end up all over the new clothes. But if these aren't enough reasons for you to wash new clothes before wearing them, there are a few other disgusting scenarios.
Ladies, have you ever looked at the crotch of a pair of pants and noticed a mysterious stain? There are women out there who don't wear underwear, so they're trying on clothes and leaving behind signs that they've been there. It could be that time of the month; they could have a yeast infection; or they might not be good wipers (pretty gross, right?). This same thing goes for guys, who have another bodily fluid that can sometimes end up in the pants they try on. Then you've got the people who will actually bring clothing home and wear it multiple times with the tags still on it before returning it to the store worn and unwashed. And don't even get me started on people who try on underwear, especially thongs (it's probably best to buy them in a package). Still not convinced you should wash new clothes before wearing them?
Well, the 'Good Morning America' investigation goes beyond reasoning about what could be on new clothes and actually tests out what kind of filth is found on them, and their disturbing results will probably convince you to start washing new clothes before you wear them. They procured samples from several different clothing stores, ranging from high-end to low-end stores, and handed them over to the director of microbiology and immunology at New York University. He found bacteria on several items, including respiratory secretions, fecal germs, yeast and vaginal organisms (which were, inexplicably, found on a blouse!). But does this mean you'll get sick if you don't wash new clothes before wearing them?
In most cases, you probably won't, but there is the possibility of it happening. Contracting a yeast infection, for example, is possible, but highly unlikely. And then there's a possibility that you could contract a very bad type of diarrhea, a stomach virus, and staph bacteria (or MRSA). So is it worth washing new clothes to avoid these types of possible infections? I would think so, but what can you do to protect yourself while trying on new clothes? Well, you can always try onnew clothes over the clothes you are wearing, or wear a leotard and tights under your clothing, so the new clothes don't touch your skin. Then all you can do is wash your hands after shopping, and remember that you should always wash new clothes before wearing them (it is truly better to be safe than sorry, even if it means slightly fading and taking away the fresh new shape and deceptive smell of your new blouse or dress pants).

SOURCE:  abcnews.go.com/GMA/gma-found-clothes-clean/story?id=9482373, Aida Ekberg.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

What to Look for in a New Laptop – Mini Guide

Acer C720 Chromebook (11.6-Inch, 2GB, $199.00)

An Explanation of Key Terms

With many laptops available on the market today it can be bewildering choosing a new laptop. There are so many different options so it is important to understand what they all mean.
The first thing many people notice when they are purchasing a new laptop is the processor. This is frequently considered the most important specification in a laptop as it is one of the features that controls the speed at which a laptop will operate. The processor is what actually does all the calculations and processing that a computer needs to perform - both for the operating system and user applications. A processor's speed is measured in hertz (Hz) or gigahertz (GHz). Another important thing to note about the processor is whether it is dual core or not. A dual core processor will run much faster than a single core processor.
Another key factor that controls the speed of the laptop is its RAM. RAM stands for random access memory and is temporary memory. All applications need to store data for a short amount of time and so they use RAM. As with the processor a higher RAM dictates a faster laptop. RAM is measured in megabytes (MB) or gigabytes (GB). (512 MB) 1GB of RAM is about the lowest you would want to consider on a new laptop.
Also the hard drive is important as it stores all your files and data. Unlike RAM a hard drive will keep what it is storing even after the computer has been switched off.   

Toshiba Satellite C55-A5105 15.6-Inch Laptop

 Intel Dual Core Celeron Processor N2820, 4GB RAM, 500GB Hard Drive ($276.49)

      The storage on a hard drive is again measured in gigabytes and currently anything between 200 GB and 500 GB is about standard on a new laptop.
A more complex specification is the graphics card inside the laptop. Generally most laptops come with an ATI graphics card. The specific graphics card you want will depend a lot on what you intend on doing with the laptop. There is lots of advice available on the internet on what different graphics cards are good for so take a look at that before purchasing a laptop.
The operating system itself will also make a difference in what laptop you want to buy. Generally speaking if you are new to laptops choose an OS you are used too. So if you normally use Windows stick to a Windows laptop and if you normally use Apple Macintosh buy one of their laptops. Also ensure the laptop that you are considering meets all the specifications required to run your intended OS - for example if you plan to run Windows Vista 512MB RAM is the absolute minimum while 1GB is recommended (and a little bit higher for Windows 7).
However the main point is just to spend that extra bit of time researching your intended laptop and you will avoid buying one that doesn't do what you want. Ideeas provided by Jamie Holmes.

Me and My Laptop:

Me and my laptop
Do many wonderful things.
Research volumes of Knowledge
Shop for clothes & diamond rings

We play games for hours
Watch videos, listen to CD's

Whatever it is I want to do

It does it all with ease

I can Google and, it's oh so Cuil
I can even go 'tweet tweet'

Or if I want to travel

Mapquest help me find the street

Me and my true laptop
Have never left our home
And without aid of passports

have been to Paris, Spain and Rome

I just merely press a button
"Point and click", and off I go

There is nothing that can stop me

Not the rain, or wind or snow


I get my news, I get my sports
I record the latest flicks

I can even watch old-time TV

Like Hill Street Blues and Route 66

So if you'll pardon my obsession
I've got some pictures I want to crop

Oh yeah that's something else I do

Just me and my laptop.

Thanks, ladyliw, for these great lyrics :-)!

Monday, October 13, 2014

Top 5 Plus Size Prom Dresses for Next Year

Ever Pretty One Shoulder Empire Line Sequins Padded Long Evening Gown ($49.99)


5 Beautiful Plus Size Prom Dresses 
Prom season is here, and there are some amazing plus size prom dresses to choose from for the special night. 20 years ago it was almost impossible to find plus size prom dresses that were trendy and stylish. Today there are so many beautiful plus size prom dresses available that it is hard to choose a favorite. Here is a list of the top 5 plus size prom dresses that can help make choosing the perfect plus size prom dress easier this year.

Trendy Print Plus Size Prom Dress
Sydney's Closet-Rendezvous in Rio
This long formal length plus size prom dress has a beaded bodice and the strap is beaded as well. The colorful print pattern makes this a prom dress that will cause the wearer to stand out in a crowd. This one is a little bit pricey at over $300 but could be worn again to a wedding or banquet which makes the price a little easier to accept.

Plus Size Black Strapless Prom Dress
Macy's-Ruby Rox Strapless Rhinestone
This prom dress is also available in silver. It has sparkling rhinestones as accents that add to the elegance of this long formal plus size prom dress. For $99, this is a gorgeous choice. It will leave you enough money to buy some great accessories without breaking the bank.

IDOBRIDAL Bead Strapless Chiffon Bridesmaid
Evening Party Gown Prom Dress14 ($89.99)

Strapless Sweetheart Plus Size Prom Dress
Next Eve-Sweetheart Ball Gown
If your dream is to look like a princess on prom night, then this is the perfect prom dress for you. This beautiful strapless ball gown is available in 16 different colors. Looking like a princess doesn't have to cost a fortune either. This dress is available for under $150.

Tea Length Strapless Plus Size Prom Dress
Sydney's Closet-Pretty Wonderful
This purple and green print dress is a great choice if you are looking for a short but elegant prom dress. The matching shawl and optional straps are included. For $199, this dress will help make your prom a perfect night.

Beaded Formal Plus Size Prom Dress
Cinderella's Closet- Aurora Formals
This dress is available in black, iced plum, or green. The bust and straps are doubled beaded. The skirt is slightly flared with the added touch of a train. This glamorous dress is available for $198.
            There are so many beautiful plus size prom dresses available, that it was hard to choose the top 5. After consulting with my teenage daughter, these are my choices for the top 5 plus size prom dresses for next year. Thanks for ideeas to Stacy Hensley, a fashion passionate. 

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Sheer Maxi Dresses - A Spring Trend

Maxi dresses have been in stores for some time. However, this spring, the sheer maxi dress will be in style. The sheer maxi dress trend is somewhat boho. It can be worn with sandals in the warmer months or boots and a chunky cardigan on cooler days. Wear the next year spring trend and feel chic and laid back at the same time.

Gypsy 05 Vermica Maxi Dress
This maxi dress has a solid top and partially sheer skirt. The soft sage dress is accented with metallic details on the skirt. It is 100 percent silk. In addition, it has spaghetti straps and sweetheart neckline. Wear it with flip-flops in the summer and cozy boots in the winter. This boho style dress comes in sizes x-small to large. Purchase this for Swell.


Mesh Back Maxi Dress
This is a great bargain dress for someone who wants to wear the sheer trend, but wants a solid skirt. This slim dress has short mesh sleeves and a mesh back yoke. Rock this look with black boots and a chunky cardigan. This dress it’s avalable at Forever 21.

Nom De Plume Shannon Dress
This black dress is perfect for a night out. The top is fitted smooth fabric with a plunging v-neck. The bottom is a long sheer skirt. High heels are a must with this maxi dress. This comes in sizes x-small to large. Find this at Urban Outfitters.

ASOS Lace Trimmed Petticoat Maxi Dress
Elegant and sheer, this maxi dress is a shimmering cream with black lace accents. This dress has a lingerie look and is sheer the whole length. Under the top portion is fitted, black bodysuit so it almost looks like you are wearing two dresses. The maxi dress comes in sizes two to fourteen. Finally, find it at asos.com.

Talya Silk Maxi Dress
Be ecofriendly with this gorgeous silk maxi dress. Solid on top and sheer on the bottom, this dress comes in purple, olive, charcoal, blue and taupe. Furthermore, available sizes are x-small to large. Even better, the dress is made in the USA. Purchase it at gypsy05.com.

Lace In Layers Maxi Dress

This dress is a modern take on the Southern Belle. The strapless corset dress features alternating layers of black lace and shell colored mesh. This dress comes in sizes zero to twelve. Get it at freepeople.com.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Retro Prom Dresses

A prom gown should be as unique as the girl wearing it. One fun way to guarantee a look all your own is to choose a retro prom gown. In this article, we will take a look at the options available to the modern girl seeking retro glam on her special night.
The first thing to think about when shopping for a retro prom gown is to decide which era most appeals to you. We will be focusing on two popular decades here: the 1970's and the 1980's.
Choosing a retro prom dress from either the 1970's or the 1980's has a major advantage over choosing a retro prom gown from an older era: girls may be able to borrow their perfect dress from an older relative that wisely held on to dresses from their youth. If shopping online, in local thrift stores or second hand shops, dresses from the 1970's and 1980's are easier to find than those from previous decades.
The 1980's is your decade if prom gowns featuring bright, metallic materials and colors, asymmetrical designs, and large, flamboyant accents like bows appeal to you. For a retro 1980's prom gown, accessorize with jewelry befitting such a dress; the bigger, shinier and flashier, the better! Go ahead and pile the jewelry on.

The same rules apply to your hair. Any formal hairstyle will do nicely with a retro 1980's prom dress, as long as it's big! Complete the look by donning a pair of lace or satin gloves and a pair of satin heels dyed to match your dress. Perhaps you like long, romantic velvet and lace styles that remind you of something a medieval princess might have worn. In this case, the 1970's is the decade for you. Do an internet image search for "Gunne Sax" for examples of this look.
Delicate jewelry with stones in earth tones work well with this look. Hair should be simple but elegant. A partial up-do or style featuring braids and accessories like floral hairpieces will complete this look.
Strappy sandals or ballet slippers will look lovely peeking out of the ruffled hem of a 1970's retro prom gown. No matter which decade you choose, you will turn heads in your retro prom ensemble. Have fun! Myranda Morgan.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Should You Get a Tattoo?



Are you considering getting a tattoo? Do you want to make a change? Do you feel bored and think a tattoo may spice up your life?

Stop and think. Ask yourself these simple questions first:

1. Are you old enough to get a tattoo without first asking permission from your parents? This basically means are you under the age of 18?
2. Can you handle the pain of a tattoo? Do needles freak you out any? If you have to be drunk to get a tattoo, then you may want to reconsider this idea. For one thing, you may not end up with the tattoo you plan on getting. Remember when you are drunk you can easily do things you regret.
3. Where do you plan on getting the tattoo? Is the place a respectable one? Are you sure that all the needles are clean?
4. What type of tattoo do you want? You need to consider the exact type of tattoo and the size.

5. Where do you want to have this tattoo placed on your body? Do you want it to be placed on a private area or on an area of your body where everyone can see it?
6. Do you know for sure that this tattoo will not be something that you will regret later in life? Remember you will be living with this forever. Your future spouse and your future employers may be seeing this tattoo.
7. Do you have any allergies? There is a possibility that you may be allergic to the ink, especially if you all ready suffer from known allergies.
8. Will this tattoo hurt your image? Yes, you may be bored at this moment and want to try something daring. Yet, this one moment may pass and this tattoo will be on your body forever.

Yes, you may be able to remove this tattoo. But to remove any tattoo will cost far more money than it did to have it placed on your body. It also will require many laser treatments for it to be removed. For these reasons and more, think carefully about getting a tattoo.



Then if you are sure you still want a tattoo, chose the person and place in which you get it carefully. Ideeas by Linda M. McCloud.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Clothes & Fashion: Jokes & Funny Stuff


Mouse over to see the text! :-) 
 Harry wanted a new suit so he bought a nice piece of cloth and tried to find a good tailor. 
             The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth, measured Harry, then told him there was not enough cloth to make a suit.
             Harry found this hard to accept, so he went to the tailor next door who measured both Harry and the cloth before announcing that there was enough cloth to make a three-pice suit.
             A week later, Harry returned to collect his suit and noticed that the tailor's son was wearing trousers made of the same cloth.
             Puzzled, Harry asked: "How come you have been able to make a three-piece suit for me and trousers for your son when the chap next door could not even make a suit?"
             "Simple," said the tailor. "The guy next door has two sons."

**************************************
My sister asked me to take off her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said "Take off my skirt" - I took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes" - I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and panties" and so I took them off.
Then she said to me: “I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again”!

**************************************

Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.

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Two engineering students meet on campus one day.
The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey nice bike! Where did you get it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have anything you want!'"
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

**************************************

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won't be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.
They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.
The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them and says, "Good morning Fathers."
"Just a minute young lady.", says one of the priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?"
The blonde replies, "Don't you recognize me? I'm sister Katherine from the convent."

**************************************

      A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
       HUSBAND WANTED!
       MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
       MUST NOT BEAT ME,
       MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
       AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
       ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. 
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
           She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

               
Mouse over to see the story ! :-) 
My lamp and me are bestfriends  He was there through the dark times .

 **************************************

            A woman tried to board a bus but her skirt was so tight that she couldn't make the step up.
             So she reached behind her, lowered her zip and tried again. Still the skirt was too tight. So again she reacher behind her, lowered her zip a little more and tried to negotiate the step. But still the skirt was too tight.
             Determined to catch this bus, she once more reached behind her, lowered the zip a little and attempted to climb aboard. Then suddenly she felt two hands on her butt, helping her on to the bus.
             She turned around angrily and told the man behind her: "Sir, I don't know you' well enough for you to behave in such a manner."
             The man replied: "Lady, I don't know you well enough for you to unzip my fly three times either!"

**************************************

       A man walked into a shoe shop and tried on a pair of shoes.
             "How do you feel?" asked the sales assistant.
             "A bit tight."
             The assistant bend down to check the shoes and said: "Try pulling the tongue out."
             "They thtill feelth a bith tighth."

**************************************

       A young man went to a lake for a swim but when he got there, he realised he had forgotten his swimming trunks.
             Since there was nobody about, he decided to jump in naked. An hour later, he climbed out and was just about to get dressed when he saw two old ladies approaching.
             He hastily grabbed a small bucket, held it over his privates and breathed a huge sigh of relief. But when the old ladies started to stare at hi, he felt decidedly awkward.
             One said to him: "You know, I have a special gift. I can read minds. And I bet I can read yours."
             The young man scoffed: "So you reckon you know what I'm thinking, do you?"
             "Yes," she said. "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."

**************************************

A wife said to her husband: "Darling, I need a new dress."
             "What's wrong with the one you've got?" he said.
             "Well, it's too long and, besides, the veil keeps getting in my eyes."

**************************************

A man said to his friend: "How come you're only wearing one glove? Did you lose one?"
             The friend said: "No, I found one." 

**************************************

A man walked into an army surplus store and asked if they had any camouflage trousers.
             "Yes, we have," replied the assistant, "but we can't find them!" 

**************************************

A man told his friend: "My wife only has two complaints: nothing to wear and not enough closet space."

**************************************

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
A: A coat!

**************************************

Q: What does a cloud wear under her raincoat?
A: Thunderwear!

**************************************

Q: Why did the leopard wear a striped shirt?
A: So she wouldn't be spotted!

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Fun resources:
enchantedlearning.com
jokes4all.net
jokes.ochristian.com
jokideo.com

Funny Stuff
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